As I sit here enjoying a beverage and listening to tunes on this, the last hour of 2015, I am reminded of what a roller coaster ride I’ve had over the last 12 months. Sure, I’ve had some freaking awesome moments, but the downhill slopes that have been traversed this year, put into perspective everything that has made me who I am, this very moment in time.
A phone call, 30 minutes to midnight on the eve of 2015 should have been a warning sign as to what was in store this great year. Now I say great in a way a teenager says okay, its just a word and conjures up no feeling at all. I could honestly say that its been a fair amount of life changing moments that literally rocked my world, this being the first of many wher Master J was involved.
We were at a friends for New Years, playing the really horrible card game “Cards Against Humanity”. It really challenged me to play this game, especially with the cards I had in my hand! But we played, drank and were looking forward to bringing in the New Year, with joy, friendship and hope for a great year ahead. Little did we know this would be short lived.
At about 11.30pm, I get a call that changes our mood, our whole night and world turned upside down. Master J decided that fighting with his best mate would be a good thing! Boys is all I could say…
So that turned into no birthday party for him and what would become a year full of holy crap moments.
Then came the start of the school year, Master J was excited to start in a sports program, then we got a call, he’d fucked up in no uncertain terms within the first week! This was followed by weeks of appeals and interviews and back on the program! Yay, or so we thought, this would be short lived….again!
So then we got him into a pre-apprenticeship in Automotive body building which was a positive thing.
Things seemed to taper out on that front which gave us some peace, for a time. Then things started to heat up in my family, court proceedings and a sister out of control and addicted to Meth left me feeling like I was failing my mother in some way. It didn’t go the way it should have and a chasm had opened up in my sisters and my relationship. It was inevitable, I could see it coming but I was powerless to change the direction of her life, as much as I wanted to, it was hers to decide.
Then came being kicked out of a church at a funeral, yep, that’s right, being turned away from the house of god. It was a complicated sitaution and I was caught in the middle, taking the fall for another’s action. The whole idea of family being flung out the window like a frisbee, words that can’t be taken back and nor do I feel I have to. My Dad was lost to me and my step-mother proved the fable of Cinderella true, some people are just nasty.
So I had to really look at my life and relationships with my immediate family and work out what it is I can do to keep the peace, at least I think that’s what I’m supposed to do. Who else can be the glue our family needs when our mother is no longer here to serve that purpose.
I take on the guilt and feelings of inadequacy and realise I can’t sacrifice my happiness for those that don’t reciprocate, so I tried to let it go.
A high point was my wonderful daughter, Miss E’s 18th birthday. What two freaking awesome parties. She wanted a family do and a friends “gathering” and she got it. The only downside was a dick of a boyfriend who had very little respect my little girl, I was only too happy to see the tail end of him!
We were cruising for a while, Master J got his apprenticeship and Miss E was of age and suddenly became more like a mid week resident! I so loved that age, going out and exploring the world. Things seemed like they were falling into place.
Then events beyond our control gripped us in its clutches, death of friends, losing my job and loss of an apprenticeship, yep Master J strikes again.
The death of the boys and serious injury to the other driver completely engulfed a community that spanned most of the southern river corridor. This was perhaps the most heartbreaking time of my life, watching my son in pain and knowing he’s no-longer a little boy of 8, that death would affect him like an adult, not like a child. His emotions, already in turmoil because of puberty, made him change, made him re-evaluate life.
The funerals came and went but one incident will always stick in my mind, after the brothers funeral, which resulted in another call for help, Master J was going three for three at this stage! Needless to say he has to keep his nose clean and I so hope it stays that way.
I was then honoured to making the 21st Birthday cake for my best friends son, I had done her daughters only two years ago and this was my gift to him. This was a high point, I was at a point needing to find myself and realised I wasn’t so bad at this, execpt I really needed a reliable oven, thankfully one of my Xanadu besties offered her Bosch for me to use, lifesaver!
Then came interview after interview with no real prospects in sight, an employnent agent who barely worked for me and one who I would almost expect to be the type who’d run in front of a bus to get you that job. She was fan-freaking-tastic and you’ll find out soon enough.
Master J got a job working for a friend as a plasteres labourer, he truly had a knack for his fathers trade and was doing well. Apart from me not having a job, things finally felt like we were at a calm and hopefully more positive end to the year coming up.
Miss E found a new man, one that would be a positive for her, a stabiliser and someone who made my little girl happy. It was long overdue!
I started teaching, which was an experience and a joy, I truly loved sharing my knowledge and guiding that next generation of Customs Brokers through one of their first courses in the Diploma. I am looking forward to 2016 because of this!
So still no full time job, I get offered part time work in a cafe/gourmet food mart, I truly loved this and I’ll never forget my first day, it was the day Master J got his moped license and crashed his bike, resulting in an operation to clean the humerous bone that had come through the skin when he hit the rear end of a mate’s ute who stopped suddenly. Yep, number four….
So that was 6 weeks before Christmas, he still has another three weeks before any chance of getting back to work. I had finally, just a week before Christmas, been told of a potential real deal job. That and the fact I had found out there may be an opening had my my gal ring me and ask if she could put my name forward, I jumped at the chance. After all, I actually really thought the idea of this company was one I could work for. I had noticed them after leaving a job interview earlier that year, I felt a vibe, a good one. I’m learning to trust these feelings more.
So after that first interview, two days before Santa visited, I was basically offered the position conditional on interview number two. Last night I recieved the offer in writing and I accepted without hesitation, this role is going to give me a broad scope of work, one I hope will see me through to long service.
So as I close this year off, Miss E is at Origin with her BF and Master J broke his phone about an hour ago and rang from a friends phone to tell me that, and that he loved me. Miss E is probably rocking it to some R&B rhythym, I’ll probably get another call from the boy, and I am finally content and at peace.
So adieu 2015, you’ve given me joy, tears, love, loss and everthing in between. Hello 2016, the year of the Monkey and hello to 40!
So until next year, my fellow bloggers, stay safe and remember the rear view mirror is smaller for a reason…
Ciao bella’s xxx
Moments Of Madness and other Musings 