With love from mum….

Theres something to be said about the feelings this time of year conjours up. For many, it is filled with family by their side, for others this may not be the case. My darling Master J being one of them, yep he’s away from home for the first time, living in Canada! A white Christmas indeed.

So for me, this is the first real time I have felt that feeling of separation, the kind you feel when a part of you is not there with you. I know he’s living life but it’s my baby, away from me, where I can’t hug him and wish him a Merry Christmas, but I will survive.

Which brings me to my reason for finally getting some words out, since it’s been a while.

You see, I sent him a few gifts, one of which was a crocheted hand made rug, a colourful piece that fits my boy to a tee. For as long as I’ve had my rug my Nanna crocheted me, he has envied it, even tried to nab it at one point and I promised him, that I’d make him one to take to Canada. Well it certainly wasn’t done by the time he left and he had no idea how it turned out. So it was this morning, as he opened his gifts via FaceTime with us, that I got to see the joy in his face as he picked up the colourful concoction and thanked me from afar. Citing him directly, “This is the best present ever! Thanks mum”, it was a winner!

I jokingly said that when he did get it, that he could tell of the adventures of the travelling rug, I doubt it, but I do know that he’ll take this with him as he travels the globe. Setting off on an adventure to wherever his heart takes him.

This year has been hard, losing our beloved Kyza, our Aunt Callie and Brayden, that was a rough few months. Then saying goodbye to our boy, knowing that we may not see each other in the flesh for some time. 

So as I take stock of the year that was 2019, I realised that every trial and tribulation, every tear cried in joy or sadness, every breath I took, was another step in my lifes journey.

I have overcome some insecurities, I have felt great pain and sadness and I have lived a good year overall. I can’t say its been easy but in life, sometimes the greatest things come from the challenges we face.

Sitting here, this summere Christmas night, I wish you all well. My 2020 will see me take off to Canada to visit my boy, I am growing my department and overall I see the coming year as one that will have to be better that this one!

Merry Chistmas one and all, hug your dear ones, call the far and remember life is for living, live it the best you can, with love and passion. And you my boy @jed.zeppelin , may this next year, your 21st, be the best yet!

Freebie Book Reviews by M.O.M…..

I’ve done a lot of reading over the years, books that have taken me on an escape to another world. One thing I am grateful is for is Free E-books. You see I am someone who will download a freebie and then if that author captures my imagination, I will buy other books, my collection is vast and when I find a great author, I buy, buy, buy!

So I thought, since I’ve been reading a shit load, I’d give a review of some of the books that I’ve read over the past few years. So to start with I’d start with a story that to this day, still makes me wonder if any of it could very well be the truth.

So the first of my reviews is Spoil of War: An Arthurthian Saga by Phoenix Sullivan Spoil Of War

This story gripped me from the word go, the setting, the time, the characters, it was all part of the allure. When I started reading I kept in mind  that this was a gritty novel, not for those faint of heart. When the two lead characters met, their love was not joyous, it was forced and subdued but the underlying sexual tension was there. 

The forced capture but in the end, eventual love and a love that would mean undeniably heartbreaking, led me on a journey I didn’t see coming. It was a story of a time when women were purely momentos, a trinket or spoil of war. But what Leodegrance and Elsbeth found was much more than even they ever anticipated.  

The Birth of a legend, the swirls of magic and time help create a story that really does make you think. 

Phoenix Sullivan is a writer that puts the reader squarely in the time of the book, it takes you away and then catapults you into a situation where you deeply feel every emotion Elsbeth has. More so than if it were your own, more than you expect when reading a great book.

So I take my hat off, Phoenix, not only have you made me re-think the true story of Arthur and Camelot but you have inspired me to search for history untold. For those of you who love history, this story makes you re-think what has been written before, the setting, the ability to capture that time period makes this one of my favourite reads of all time. 

Well done Phoenix Sullivan, I will forever see the story of Camelot in a different but oh so magical light.

Saturday fun….

When I was a teenager, my mum used to take us on outings each Saturday morning, it would be our treat after a week at school, my mum often taking us to places well out of our league.

Let me set the stage, you see we were a family of 4, sometimes 5 (depending on mum’s boyfriend status), but primarily a single parent household. Now I knew we had very little money, in fact if I was to put it bluntly, we were poorer than the poor. But my mum was an optimist, someone who saw the value in something and showed me how to spot that same value.

We’d go to places like Garden City, Myer and the Hay Street mall, sometimes Carousel but always window shopping. She’d point out a brand, she’d say “Nicky, remember that name” with an excited voice. Sometimes she’d take a little notebook and write them down, in any case, I didn’t realise the value in what she was doing back then, until I started op-shopping on my own.

Labels and names would come to me like lightening bolts. I’d remember when we did op-shop when I was younger, she’d look at the top I chose and would go “No, that’s home brand, keep looking” and I would. Home brands, as my mother put it so simply, are the types of clothes you buy at the local shops, K-mart, Target, Big W, Rockmans and those kinds of places, a dime a dozen, every other person has the same jumper. 

Back then, I thought, as every teen does, she was crazy, that top was cool, hindsight however is a wonderful thing and she saved me from being one of the sheep only I didn’t know it. Now looking back, she gave me the foundation to spot a bargain, a label that pops out and you know that if you actually had to spend retail (new) you probably couldn’t pay an electric bill. So I spend my Saturday’s wandering a Good Sammy, Anglicare or Salvo’s waiting for something to jump out.

Trust me, my wardrobe is full of jumpers that cost in excess of $90 each, my last shop with Review, Basque, Marco Polo, Laddakh loaded in my arms came to $70 total!! I know now how I feel when I wear something no one else has, because they only made small quantities, as most large fashion labels do.

So with my knowledge of quality and cost effectiveness, I am known to my friends as the magnet. Just take me into an op-shop and lo-and-behold, they find something they were looking for. I’ve taught them well, my young apprentices, how to look for labels, what fabrics to look for and how to make sure that you’re getting value for money.

In fact, as I write this, my friend has just told me that my favourite shop has just had new shipment, now this place is renowned for UK and overseas labels, things that you just can’t buy here and I am afraid, I’ll have the brave the madness on Saturday to go in search of the next great wardrobe add.

When once I would wander for hours, not seeing another soul in an op-shop, it has become the new place to go. Any given Saturday, or any day for that matter, they are teeming with people looking for a bargain. Some people tut-tut at the thought of stepping inside ‘one of those places’ as I’ve heard it referred to in my time. But let me tell you, the last three balls I went to, my gowns were purchased from an op-shop. No one knew the difference and in fact, many commented on such a beautiful dress. I am always chuffed at that, knowing that my entire outfit cost less than $30, hell yes!

So when you consider an op-shop, think of it this way, it’s pre-loved fashion, one of a kind in many cases, and a cost-effective and planet saving way of getting a new wardrobe. I’ll often recycle myself, so often that I’m seen leaving the house with big black bags and dumping them in my boot, which would make the average person suspicious, but I live in Armadale so they’re pretty used to that kind of thing!

And an op-shop is also an awesome place to start when you’re invited to that ‘fancy dress party’, oh how many Halloween’s I’ve made a costume from $10 down at the Salvo’s. Even my kids love it when I say “I’m heading to the op-shop, you want to come?” which they heartily reply with a healthy dose of yes mum’s. My son will often come home after work, saying he’d stopped in and found a bargain.

Just last weekend, the boys were going to a club and they had to wear dress shoes, so his mates had spent $100 on shoes, he needed some so headed to the shops, at some point, in his head just as I do, thought to stop in at the local op-shop. Upon walking to the shoe section, there in its original box, brand new, the same shoes his mates had spent $100 on, he spent less than $20, his size and all. He’s gifted like me. Hell I’ve found shoes myself that cost more than my weekly rent, I bought them anyway, who could say no to Mollini, especially at $7!!!

Well, that about sums up my Saturday fun, I love it when I can take my friends and they walk out, arms full and satisfied or when I’m wandering on my own, browsing and looking. Searching for that elusive label, the one that sparks a glint in my eye, knowing someone who had a lot of money, just cleaned out their wardrobe and mine, would be the beneficiary of those items. For some that sounds crazy, but for me, it’s my fun.

Next time you pass by, stop in, you may not know it, but there’s a bargain in there for everyone, you just have to be open to the experience and know that you’re also helping community organisations who rely on their little shops and the volunteers that often run it.

Be prepared though, you may just find yourself wanting to go back, because there just wasn’t enough time to see everything, and you’ll just have to go back again; and again; and again…..

Ciao xx

 

The Songbird that sings at night….

We often find a peacefulness in the evening,

Moments of quiet and silence, but the songbird, it sings,

Its melody sweet and unexpected in suburbia,

A song that sings only at night, 

Its melodies echo above the sounds of crickets chirping,

The sounds of summer, gently in the night,

And she sings, with abandon

And she sings…

Where was I….

It seems like a lifetime ago since I’ve posted and to be honest, it has been. My Life has taken many twists and turns, leading back to a place I left behind not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

It’s been over 14 years since that time in my life I almost followed my heart, a time that was pivotal in my career. I departed stoically and started a journey that would lead me through many trials, tribulations, ups and downs but most of all, experience.

I took a leap of faith this year, I’d been appraoached and decided to listen to the proposition,  one I couldn’t turn away. One that would see me becoming a corporate licensee of a Licensed Customs Brokerage, my dream is coming true.

At first, there were sacrifices, but at the end of the day, I have veto over hiring in my department and I’m supported in my vision of where this is heading. 

For the first time in a long time, I am truly excited by the opportunities that are within reach. The head of compliance is a larger than life character, Pete Mento, someone I am begining to realise is a valuable mentor, as his name would suggest.

I am going to be involved in large scale projects, managing my own team and working for a company whose values are consistent with my own when it comes to business. I will have the opportunity to present to an audience, Australian trade and compliance requirements, a dream I’ve had for some time.

For the first time, I truly see a vision of my future, clearer than any than I thought I had before now. My dreams support this as the places in my dreamworld, that was once just a passing stopover, is coming into view. Places I longed to spend time in, in my sleeping hours, but always fleeting, are now the most of my night time sojourns.

Life has a way of teaching us, giving us the foundations we need for our destiny, our fate, our road we’re meant to be on. I have never felt so at home as I do now, the journey has begun, only my doubts will stop me and somehow I think, that is the fartherest thing from where I’m at right now.

So to my followers, my aplogies for such a long drinks break, I promise to check in more frequently. 

My lesson today, follow your heart, trust your intuition and go for it!

Ciao xx

Time is Fleeting, Madness Takes its Toll….

It has come to my attention that my posts have been somewhat lax or nil to be exact, over the last couple of years. Where has the time gone, what the hell have I done to make me neglect writing for such a long time. Life, that’s what has happened, time has become a valuable commodity I seem to have less and less of.

In life, there comes a point where days and weeks, turn into months and before you know it, you’re putting up the Chistmas Tree once again. This time of year brings with it happiness but also a sense of sorrow. 

Since my mum passed, life hasn’t been the same. Being mums navigator as she traversed life as a single woman was one thing, having to take on that same role when your siblings are old enough to take care of themselves is another.

My brother is turning his life around, something I knew he had in him aswell as knowing he is a survivor, in every sense. Being around the right people is the most essential thing and he has this. His family, as we all have chosen in the absence of our matriach, is what has helped support him when he was ready to change.

My sisiter on the other hands, has spiralled to a place that I can’t and won’t follow. Her life is one I can no longer help until she sees it herself. Even the loss of her kids to her ex is not motivation enough to change and no words I utter will ever change her perspective, until she wants too. It doesn’t help with the folk she’s around.

Her beauty, that she was once very proud of, is now a shell of who she was, who I know she is inside. I know she’s there but she has to want to fight for it. Once she wants to take that step, I will be there for her, but at this moment, all I can do is look in. In the hope that she will see that this is not life, this is not who you are, it is that thing, which I dare not name. That one thing many families deal with everyday, a scourge that has gripped us, not even the average country town is safe.

My only wish is for her to want to help herself, no one can live life for you, our choices determine our future. We all have choices and as time goes on, I know how hard it can be to change but if I were faced with losing parental rights, I’d do all I can to change, no matter how hard that uphill battle is. Wanting to change is the first step and the hardest. I just hope she has that in her.

So yes, time is fleeting and in some cases, madness does take its toll, but I know that my inner strength has been whats kept me sane amongst the madness that is my life.

So thats whats been going down in my life, amongst many good things, which I’ll leave for another day, when I’m feeling a little brighter than today.

So until next time and another moment of madness, Ciao xx

The changing nature of the beast…..

I had lunch recently with an old school friend, someone who I’ve thought about over the years. My first years at school were fairly similar to a lot of kids, a few close friends and being a small town, everyone knew everyone. I guess things changed in high school or shortly before that, girls were changing, hormones raging and the sweet friendships we once knew and cherished would at times turn decidedly nasty. This friend I was having lunch with was not in that category, she never would be.

It was over lunch we reminisced about the old town, what we’d been doing, our kids and of course ourselves. The subject turned at some point to bullying. I wrote about this briefly in my post Hindsight, that reminded me of the age old question. Does a bully ever really change?

I guess without having anything to go by, as I don’t personally share my social times with those that left scars on my heart and soul, it got me thinking, can someone who was a “mean girl” ever really let go of that persona.

It bothers me at times, as I’m scrolling my newsfeed and one of those old mean girls pops up advocating for stopping bullying that makes me think, maybe they do understand, maybe they have seen the error of their ways, but then again,  Public appearances can be deceiving.

I realised that anyone who’s been a victim of school yard or online bullying can never really let go of that, the psychological scars run fairly deep. I  have been unfortunate enough to encounter a bully some years ago in a social setting as an adult, completely separate from school. The way this person acted, was like sugar and spice to the public, but would rip your heart out and feed it to the sharks if they wanted to when you weren’t in earshot. She bullied me endlessly, undermining me, spreading nasty rumours that were so far from the truth that I confronted her. She did stop, but I could never trust her or want to even associate with her again, the cutting of ties in a very public forum was the ultimate karma. 

She was different though, she was a different kind of nasty and that became apparent over the years and my heckles were up from day one. What confounds me though, are the typical mean girl ones, the ones who were councillors or sports captains, perhaps a Dux, the ones who hid behind popularity and a thin veil that got lifted in strategic circumstances, as it always does. 

Over the years I’ve made concious choices not to put myself in those positions like I did that last time, I speak my truth and I say what needs to be said if I ever feel like that 14 year old girl again. I’m stronger, I’m far more resilient and I know that they can only hurt me, if I let them. That adult bully made me realise that I can speak up and say no to being a victim anymore.

There are many that don’t get over it and this number alone is reflected in the rate of suicides. You notice thses deaths never make it more than the obituaries which shows how we as society see mental illness. Brush it under the rug, try not to show it in public, whatever you do just not talk about it. Bullying happens in all areas, work, school, home, sports, just about anywhere.

It was a photo I saw of a university in the US who had laid out the bags of former students who had taken their own life that got me thinking about this subject again. It was a stark reminder that an estimate of 50% of those young souls, were probably bullied. I am so very fortunate that my children have respect for all people and treat people as they like to be treated, they are fortunate to have not been subjected to bullying as I was they are also strong in themselves, something that when you’re bullied, gets taken away from you. 

So I get back to my subject of does a mean girl ever really change from the person deep inside, it’s a question that I guess only someone who’s treated others in a way that scars them would really know. I don’t think I want to ask that question, I give the benefit of doubt that maybe they have changed, but one thing is for certain, I’ll never let my guard down around them, as they say once bitten, twice shy!

Until my next moment of madness……

Syncronicity….

As I sit here listening to tunes on a Friday night, I am reminded once again of the moments in my life that knit together like a giant throw rug. Encasing me in its endless weaves as another colour comes to light.

At the start of this year, my 40th on this physical plane, I felt a shift, one great enough for me to open my eyes to the connections that I make everyday in my life, knowing indeed I am on the right path.

Have you ever noticed the people you meet who have a soul connection to you, as James Redfield would put it, your soul group. A connection of people who find each other in each lifetime. It may sound corny but think of it as I tell my story of my soul group, which continues to expand day by day.

When I started in the industry, I had been compared to a young lady by the name of Silvia, who had worked with my first employers. Throughout the years, I had not had the chance to meet this woman who had essentially opened the door for me at my first job. So my first day at my new job, who should be sitting on the otherside of the partitian but the one and only Silvia. My boss’ sister, what were the chances, she didn’t have the same last name!

With this revelation, we built a rapor immediately, I wish I’d met her years ago! 

Then the next thread was woven when the wife of the boss mentioned that she is the cousin of the Senior footy club president I had the pleasure of working with as the junior president. Another connection that I recognised straight away. The realisation that their son was one of the footballers the president was talking about coming in to the club when they were looking for good Colts players.

Then the next came with a conversation with the daughter who had played basketball at my old high school and had played alongside and was in a way coached by one of my old school friends. We knew the same people, this is something that a true soul group has, connections that span those six degrees.

After that, I found that the compiler was best mates with the young lad I had employed years ago, it was surreal as the connections continued. Then the clincher, the family connection came just recently.

I had mentioned to our import guy that my cousin had a shop in the Woolstores and made soy candles, which is when he perked up and said, “Oh Palma!” 

Gobsmacked we realisde his best friend was my cousins best friend, the most significant sign that I was indeed on the right track in my life. I couldn’t believe that the best job that I have ever had is in actual fact, the soul group I had been searching for.

I guess today was the clincher for me, you see, when I was at my first job, I would stop in at the lunchbar everryday for my toastie and iced coffee, especially when I was pregnant. The guy with the elvis hair and the young lady who worked there at the time, happen to be family of my now  boss’ wife and the young lady who worked there and still does, is one of my  workmates wife and their daughter also works with us! It really is a family affair!

The madness that I had endured for the best part of 2015 broke away into a memory of the gravel path we sometimes have to travel in order to get to the paradise that lies beyond the dust.

As we go along our daily journey, we have the choice to recognise the syncronicity in our lives and appreciate that our lives are so meaningful. When you think about it, your life is richer when you meet people who have some kind of link to your life, in fact thats’s a story for another day about my other half and I. And by making those connections, links so to speak or the weave of a thread, it enriches their lives too and so your soul group expands and another colour comes into focus.

Everyday, we are presented with opportunities, some small, some large and life changing, whatever they are, recognise the syncronicity in your life, I know I do.

Until next time, ciao xx

No. 13

Remember my post No 41, well I can say that the young man I mentioned in closing, Brendan’s younger brother Callum Ah Chee, who was selected at No.8 by Gold Coast in the 2015 national draft, made his debut this year in the AFL.

I have watched this young man grow up, as a young footballer at the Kelmscott Bulldogs and later, at South Fremantle playing Colts. He has always shown a remarkable ability to understand the play, he is quick, agile and extremely smart both intellectually and on the field.

I didn’t get to see his first game but the shining highlight so far in the early stages of season 2016, was watching him kick a goal off the play by Gary Ablett Junior against Fremantle at Pattersons! What a play, I had a tear, for this kid who had grown up around my very own children, who they class as their friend. He was Head Boy of his year at Kelmscott SHS, excelled at athletics and football and was one of the most respectful kids I have ever met.

I can’t speak more highly of this family than I already do, having knowing Val and Brendan Snr for many years, they have brought up a magnificent family and it shows in both the two who’re making their mark in the world of AFL, but also the other brothers who are such a tight knit group.

So good luck Cal, I know I’ll be watching you for many years to come and I will always remember the years at the Bulldogs where I presented you with the most club votes. The pride in your eyes at the perpetual trophy, one your kids may see one day, as you got 143 votes, the highest at that point ever! I knew you’d make it and proud to have watched you   develop your skills and reach that goal!

For those of you who haven’t watched a game of footy, Aussie style, take a look at Callums interview this year  

Callum Ah Chee
The athleticism and fitness levels are one of the most demanding in all world sports, its a hard game, but a freaking good one. Just like football in its many forms, we grow up and love what we know, I didn’t really know about soccer or other types of football until I was well older. 

This is the game I love and it brings me joy when I watch someone I know make their mark, a truly great experience, one I’m sure I’ll be watching for many more AFL seasons to come.

Ciao bella xx

What rights do we have?

For a long time, I’ve been an advocate of the right to die movement, something inherintly our own choice, but yet is still not ours to make.

I watched my mother die, a slow and probably painful death given the amount of morphine she was administered to keep the pain at bay. I watched her lose conciousnous, I watched as her faculties were no longer hers to control, I watched as I had no choice, SHE had no choice even knowing what her choice would have been.

She wouldn’t have wanted her husband, daughter and best friends to change her diaper because she couldn’t go to the toilet any longer. She wouldn’t have wanted to have her life end in such an undignified manner when she was the most dignified woman to me.

She would have chosen to go peacefully, in her own way so that the memories of her suffering would not be inflicted on those closest to her. 

How is it that we, in this day and age, not consider the humane and dignified way of leaving when you know there is no chance you will ever get better!

I guess the old argument comes to mind, a horse breaks its leg, in all other facets it is healthy, but we put it down. WHY? Because we don’t want to see it suffer.

Isn’t a human life more valuable, can’t a person, who knows that they will leave this world in a cruel and callous way as is the death by a disease, the like of cancer. Can’t they say, put me down, I don’t want to suffer! Why shouldn’t they have the choice.

We treat animals more humanely than a dying human, doesn’t that say something.

I know, given what I have seen, experienced and lived through, that if my days were numbered, I’d want to choose how to go.

I wouldn’t want some beaurocrat or law giver to tell me what is or isn’t right for me, I want to know that I have a choice. The clearest memories I have of my mother, unfortunately, are when she was dying. This is the reality of allowing someone to suffer, not only does the person suffer, but so too those around them. This can and does create more mental health issues, something our society is already inundated with.

So as Ms MacTiernan advocates on behalf of those dying, I back it 100% why shouldn’t, why oppose when we all know that no one wants to die the way we allow people to do!

Alannah MacTiernan Speaks for Rights
It is something that is long overdue and quite frankly, should be the choice that we as Australians, deserve and need. Not only for the dying, but for the families and friends that have to carry on, after the war is over and all that is left are battle scars that no one can see.